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Her point of view
He said to me... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
I said to him... You wear pants don't you?
He said to me... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said. That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said to me... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to me... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him... They don't have time
He said to me... How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him... I don't know; it has never happened.
He said to me... Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good- looking?
I said to him... They already have boyfriends.
He said... What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said... A widow.
He said to me... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him... Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
His point of view
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
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My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started...
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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.”
"My God!" said my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
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